Vegan Humor

comic strips, cartoons, quotes, funnys & jokes

Comics by Rick London with permission (click-on to enlarge)

Sweet Veggie Quotes & Riddles

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

"Oh dear I love you. But if you'll beetroot to me, I'll beetroot to you."

What do you call a vegan post-punk band? - Soy Division.

"Be careful if you are eating hummus, it is the strongest aphrodisiac known to mankind. Ever heard of hummusexuals?"

"The standard diet of a meat-eater is blood, flesh, veins, muscles, tendons, cow secretions,hen periods and bee vomit. And once a year during a certain holiday in November, meat-eaters use the hollowed-out rectum of a dead bird as a pressure cooker for stuffing. And people think vegans are weird because we eat tofu? - vegan bodybuilder Robert Cheeke"

What do vegan zombies say? - Graaaaaains! Graaaaaaains!

Why did the tomato blush? - Because he saw the salad, dressing.

What did the lettuce say to the celery? - Are you stalking me?

Why did the Tomato go out with a prune? - Because he couldn't find a date!

Cartoons by Heather McAdams (click-on to enlarge)

    Click to enlarge - by Heather McAdams
    Click to enlarge - by Heather McAdams
    Click to enlarge - by Heather McAdams

Top 10 Veg Pick Up Lines:

If I said you had the body of an all-natural, organic-living, animal-loving, environment-nurturing, whale-saving sex machine, would you hold it against me? Please?

May I take your picture? It's for the World's Sexiest Vegetarian competition.

Could you help me out? I'm trying to decide if I want to keep these new hemp sheets, but I need a second opinion.

Your organic cotton t-shirt looks really soft. Can I feel it?

Wanna come up and see my Vitamix?

What's your favorite thing to do with agave nectar?

Do you like my new skirt? I love pleather but it makes me all hot and sweaty.

Mmmmm. I could really go for a hot veggie dog right about now.

I'll eat Hip Whip on anything.

How do you get your protein?

- courtesy of VegNews Magazine

More Veggie Quotes & Riddles!

What did one vegetarian spy say to the other vegetarian spy? - We have to stop meating like this.

Why do people kill animals? - Fur convenience steak.

The goose talks to the priest: "Dear Reverend, tell me the truth - is there a life after Christmas?"

Avec toutes les saloperies qu'on met dans la viande, hormones de croissance, antibiotiques etc on va tous y rester, il n'y a que les vegetariens qui vont s'en sortir, alors un conseil, si vous voulez manger de la bonne viande, mangez des vegetariens! English translation: With all this crap they put in meat, like hormones for fast growing, antibiotics, etc... we will all go down, there's only the vegetarians that will survive - so let me give you a good piece of advice: if you want to eat some healthy meat, eat a vegetarian! -JeanLuc LeMoine, French humorist

Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? - He sold his soul to seitan!

What's on a honeymoon salad? - Lettuce alone with no dressin.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? - Kids don't eat broccoli.

Mrs. Smith had cooked a halfway decent meal one night, and the old Smith had been goin' at it with gusto. He was about halfway finished his meal when he took a good long look at the potato. He looked over at Mrs. Smith and said, "This potato is bad." Mrs. Smith picked it up, smacked it, and put it back on his plate... then said, "If that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."

"McDonalds announced it's considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn't it?" - comedian Jay Leno

"I will not eat anything that walks, runs, skips, hops or crawls. God knows that I've crawled on occasion, and I'm glad that no one ate me." - Alex Poulos

What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat? - Someone who lost his/her veg-inity!

Have you heard of the garlic diet? - You don't lose much weight, but from a distance, your friends think you look thinner.

Why did the tofu cross the road? - To prove he wasn't chicken.

What does a cow eat for breakfast? - Mooooozlee, of course! (muesli)

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"Fast Food" from The World According to Stewart Moskowitz

Fast Food

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